5 Reasons I’m Grateful for Chronic Urticaria: A Different Perspective

Chronic Urticaria has devastated my life and taken the joy out of a lot of things. It has wreaked havoc on my quality of life and has been a burden that I have carried for over a decade.

For the first few years I was lost. I was spiraling out of control. I was severely depressed, even suicidal at times. I hated my life and wanted to crawl out of my skin. I felt helpless and hopeless.

But something happened that changed my life. I started to step back and re-evaluate things.

As a nurse I am often at the bedside of a patient as they slip away from this life. I have seen death too many times to count. I was always able to tuck that away but I found that I was starting to dwell on it more and more.

When you are exposed to the death of others, you are forced to face your own mortality. I knew that my life was going to end some day and I thought about the people who would hurt. I thought about my children and what their memories of me would be like. I also thought about the quality of my life and the things that brought me joy.

I thought a lot about life and it’s challenges, but I also thought about the positives.

I made the decision to pick myself up and put myself back together again. I learned to focus on the positive in situations.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel sorrow, frustration, pain, or even depression. I acknowledge these feelings and allow myself to cry if I need to. Then I do something nice for myself.

But I learned to find the positives in every negative. These are the positives of having CSU.

I have more empathy

Before I had this condition I was guilty of judging others. Yes, I was a jerk sometimes. I admit it and take full responsibility.

I thought that I had empathy before. I care deeply about others and truly enjoyed patient care.

However, I was guilty of what a lot of medical professionals are guilty of: Not believing people.

I often thought to myself that this person with all these symptoms was making it up or dramatic. I would never express these thoughts, of course. I dutifully listened and provided emotional support.

But I was judging.

Now I am on the other side and I can see it for what it is. I have poured over research for hours on end and found that many people with autoimmune conditions are labeled as psychosomatic or hypochondriac.

I remember being called a hypochondriac by another nurse and how bad that stung. I was told by my doctor that my symptoms were psychosomatic. I was desperate to be heard and understood.

Chronic Urticaria has taught me this important lesson and it made me a better nurse and a better person.

Helped me learn who is really there for me

When I first started getting hives people were very helpful and seemed to have at least a little empathy. They tried to come up with solutions to my problem.

But when you are tired all the time form the sleepless nights, and you start cancelling plans, people aren’t very forgiving.

I learned that some friends weren’t really in it for the long haul. They disappeared when life got hard. They weren’t empathetic anymore, calling me dramatic or saying to just get over it.

Others were my champions. I feel so blessed to have those people in my life. I can’t say what they might have been thinking but they never wavered in their support. They may not have understood what I was going through or why I cancelled our plans but they continued to make an effort to include me in their lives.

My relationship with my fiance felt threatened. I was no longer intimate with him and I didn’t want to be touched at all. But he saw what I was going through and saw the frustration, the pain, the essential torture that hives can be. It made us stronger. It helped me to see that he truly loves me and is committed to our relationship.

It led me to a healthier lifestyle

Few things cause more desperation to a twenty-something more than vanity. At the same time that my hives started, my psoriasis was flaring. I developed a rash that covered my eyelid and made it difficult to open my eye. Add in the hives and a little edema and I was a mess.

I was desperate for a solution. Not only was I suffering physically but my self esteem was at a new low.

I began a mission to fix myself. My doctor told me it was all in my head. I didn’t believe that.

I spent countless hours online trying to find a solution. I stumbled upon an article about diet helping to reduce inflammation and read some first hand accounts about how people’s skin had improved.

I threw out all of the junk food. My fiance was super supportive and he went on the diet with me. I am so lucky for that.

It was really hard but I was determined and stuck with it. After several weeks I noticed that not only had my rash cleared from my face, but my joint pain was much less severe and I felt more energetic. I got compliments on how great my skin looked. I felt amazing compared to the previous weeks.

I still struggled with hives but my other symptoms improved greatly. I continued to look for a solution to my hives.

I still haven’t found that solution but it has led me to much better health overall. I eat better than ever, do yoga, make time for self care, meditate, and have learned to cope with life and stress much better.

It gave me a sense of purpose

I have always enjoyed helping others. I became a nurse because I thought that it would be a fulfilling career. I have always been a caretaker. My mother had a mysterious chronic illness when I was a child and although my father had primary custody, many weekends and holidays were spent helping her.

I found that nursing was fulfilling in ways but the overall stress was more of a burden. It didn’t equate to a positive experience and I left my shifts often feeling bad about myself and the care I was able to give.

My journey towards a healthier lifestyle led me to functional medicine and I made the choice to become a functional medicine certified health coach specializing in immune conditions.

I was told over and over again that I needed to “niche down” more. I resisted. I wanted to help as many people as I could and I didn’t want to exclude anyone.

I gave it a lot of thought. I changed my niche multiple times, never feeling it was right. Chronic Urticaria was always at the back of my mind, but it felt more intimidating than helping people with managing diabetes or weight loss, which I had become very familiar with as a nurse.

When a woman from my support group reached out to me, asking for help and confiding that she was so helpless, she was feeling suicidal, I knew in my heart that I had found my purpose.

I finally realized that it doesn’t have to be about “curing” hives. I had learned to pull myself out of a dark space and learned to be healthy and happy all while dealing with this condition. I decided that my niche would be to help women who were where I was. Woman who feel alone, hopeless, afraid.

My purpose is to help women with chronic hives and histamine intolerance learn to thrive and love their lives again. Autoimmune conditions like CSU cannot be cured, they can be put into remission and I can help facilitate that.

I am stronger than I thought

I never thought of myself as a “strong” person. Growing up I was painfully shy. I also had low self esteem and was very sensitive to any criticism.

I have overcome something that was consuming my life. Once I made the decision to turn my life around, I did.

You could argue that I didn’t have a choice. But the fact is that I did.

I made the choice to make my life better. I made the choice to not let my disease become my identity. I choose to be free. I choose to be healthy. I choose to be happy.

It’s really hard sometimes.

Taking my power back

Chronic urticaria has been a difficult journey for me, but I am grateful for the things it led to.

I have more empathy now and know who my true friends are. It helped me learn that what people see on social media is not always reality – something we can all take away from this experience!

Thanks to chronic urticaria, I was able to find a sense of purpose in helping others with their own struggles and share some healthy tips along the way.

The most important thing about this condition is that it made me stronger than I thought possible; even when life seems tough or out-of-control, there’s still hope if you just keep taking steps forward every day.

What are positive aspects of chronic urticaria in your life?

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